Well, it was bound to happen eventually. My eldest son, who is almost 5, has been flirting with giving up his nap since the day he was born. I'm not exaggerating when I say that getting this child to fulfill his basic sleep needs has been a daily struggle since the first day that I cuddled his tiny, warm, body in my arms.
My son as a newborn and infant flat out REFUSED to sleep if he wasn't being held in my arms. And let's talk about those arms! I swear that I have gained muscle and tone solely through the efforts I have made to get both of my kidlings adequate rest. After 6 months of rocking my little angel to sleep and transferring him to the co-sleeper attached to our bed, only to be woken up every thirty minutes to repeat this process yet again, I finally gave up and let him sleep, (through the night, I might add), with his head on my upper arm. My lofty visions of never co-sleeping flew out the window in my desperation to gain enough Zzzs to function. We moms work hard to assess what is best for the majority of our family with any given decision... This clearly was what worked best for us! But even with the co-sleeping breakthrough, sleep routines still included rocking, dancing, cuddling, and massaging my little love to sleep on a daily basis.
So fast forward, 4 years... My son now sleeps in his own bed, in his own room most of the night but still needs soothing to go to sleep. And, while we have tried to let him give up his nap on numerous occasions, (which appears to be his dearest wish in life), the complete inability to regulate his emotions that occurs within a few days sans nap, convinces us, yet again that he isn't ready. Or maybe it's just that we aren't ready for the crisis that follows?! Regardless, we have reestablished his nap time more times than I would like to admit. And, yes, a good portion of his naps have required an adult to be physically present in order for him to settle his body down enough to sleep. The bonus here is that the adult often enjoys a nice nap as well! The downside? All that time that could be spent productively flies out the window.
Or does it? I first played with the idea of starting a mediation practice during this "down" time several years ago, and if I'm not reading on my iPhone, I will still try to "follow my breath" while I wait for him to fall asleep. I'll be honest here, most of the time I fall asleep long before I reach any sort of meditative state. Such is the life of a sleep deprived, working mother! But recently, as we consider full day, 5 day a week Kindergarten this fall, coupled with signs that my son might actually be ready to try a full waking day once again, I've realized that I have an opportunity... Perhaps I can transform nap time into a time for him to learn and practice mindfulness, one of the practices most highly associated with happiness and well being. Perhaps, rather than letting nap time turn into yet another frantically energized blur, I can instead reserve a small portion of my child's day for quiet in the hopes that he will learn this important skill for happiness and health.
I can remember, before I had children, meeting a friend of a friend for lunch with her 4 year-old son. A practicing Buddhist, the mother had instilled a regular mediation practice with her child and the little boy proudly demonstrated his meditation stance at the table. This image has haunted me since I became a mother. This serene little boy sitting cross legged, completely still and quiet, with his eyes closed and his hands on his knees is the total symbolic representation of my failure as a mother to teach my own child how to be still. Truth be told, I can't really imagine my little bundle of energy ever slowing down for that amount of time.
But, the other day, as my son complained for the zillionith time that he wasn't tired and didn't want to nap, and I began my frequent coaching of quieting his body and closing his eyes, it dawned on me that I had done little to teach him how to quiet his mind. Perhaps it was the fact that he was asking me about the planets, and volcanoes, and what happened to the dinosaurs, while he was lying there still with his eyes closed that triggered my realization that it was his MIND that he didn't know how to quiet. So, putting my therapist hat on, I asked him to switch to his five senses and notice what he could hear, what he could see up against the backs of his eyes, and to focus on his breathing. And if the little bugger didn't fall asleep within two minutes of my coaching?! A fluke? Possibly. Though the optimist in me is hoping for a breakthrough! Regardless, I like the idea of using nap time, when sleep is no longer needed, as a time for mindfulness. Even if it's only for 5 minutes.
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A Rare Occurrence of Sleeping in the Car
First off, your post came up just as I was waking myself up from a nap with my 7 month old son sleeping on my arm so you are not alone!
ReplyDeleteSecond, mindfulness does not have to mean quiet. In our Tao teachings, our teacher often tells us the best meditation is one that does not require you to be quiet, in a corner. If you are able to find your center in the middle of your day-to-day life, then your power for balance is unstoppable. That is what I try to teach my daughter. Like your son, she cannot sit still for one second. So the idea of her closing her eyes and concentrating for that long is literally laughable to me. But there are active mindfulness exercises you can practice with your child that will satisfy their curious, over excited nature and still calm their insides. I know you'll find what is best for you and your little ones.
And please never refer to yourself as a failure : You've been my rock more often than I can count!